Day: September 21, 2009

Today, I woke up knowing that I would later in the day do a soul retrieval. I intended to do ceremony and journey with the specific purpose of gaining back the fragmented pieces of self that were lost along the way. I knew in my heart where these pieces were. Some were lost as long ago as when I was three years old. Some were lost a month ago when I underwent painful surgery and recovery.

For the past several months, and specifically for the last month, my story has been one of suffering and woe. Almost for 15 years, this physical pain has defined me in many ways. I have been in someway, in part or in whole, to varying degrees, in victim mode. The pain has drained me emotionally, spiritually and physically.

In the few weeks since the surgery, I have felt violated,cast aside and traumatized. Continue reading “Every Act is Done When it is Conceived”

Shannah Tovah!

As I think about the last year, I recall feeling a mix of emotions ranging from love to loneliness, gratefulness to thanklessness, humility to arrogance. I suppose that I am no different from any of us. one particularly challenging time for me occurred just last month when I was hospitalized for pain management following surgery. In those solitary moments when I was left alone, wondering my fate, I asked if I could find purpose in the agony of recovery. Now, as I am in the final stages of physical healing from that ordeal, I reflect upon the meaning of my dark night of the soul. And I find that what carried me through were the moments in which I felt connected: to my wife, to my mom, to my clergy, to my therapist, to my patient advocate, and to my dog. I also noticed a profound shift from the moment that I asked to be put on the Mi Sheberach list.

Sometimes I get so caught up in my own stuff that I forget that I am part of a community. Continue reading “Rosh Hashannah 2009”